Your Nest is Empty, Now What?

I’ve been thinking about my time as an empty-nester and wondering if I could share any insight into helping those who are facing this new phase of life. Are you facing your empty nest with trepidation or anxiety? Do you need a hand with what to do now?

As your last child flies the coop or starts flapping his/her wings in preparation, I challenge you to regroup and focus on something new and different. Give your mind something positive and exciting to focus on while you prepare to wave goodbye to that precious soul that you have poured yourself into. I’ve gathered my thoughts and memories and have created a list of ideas for what to do with your empty nest situation.

Five suggestions to help you enjoy your empty nest.

Pursue a hobby or skill

Reconnect

This is the perfect time to reconnect with your spouse, parent, friend, or sibling.

Raising kids can be hard on a marriage. I know it was hard on mine! Each parent looks at child-rearing from their own unique viewpoint that has been influenced by the good and bad points of their own childhood. That, along with differing personalities, makes for clashes when it comes to deciding on how to handle things like discipline and boundaries. The goal is to stay close through all of that, but life can be difficult. So, if your marriage has taken a beating, now is the time to reach out, make some plans for fun (or maybe therapy first) and put some focus on the one whom you chose to be with before the chaos of children began. The reward of having those shared memories to look back on together is huge!

Reconnect with a sibling or friend that you’ve lost touch with or just haven’t had time for. I don’t mean someone who you’ve purposely held at arm’s length, I mean someone that you love and miss. If they’re physically close enough, set up a coffee date and take it from there. Making new friends is wonderful, but connecting with someone that you have a shared history with is special and therapeutic! If fences need mending, I challenge you to make the first move. Empty nesters need friends!

Just as our kiddos were reaching their late teens and we were on the verge of an empty nest, we starting camping with our best friends, two other couples of similar age and family dynamics. Oh my, we had sooo much fun making memories while we “glamped” at our favourite lakes. Those are some of my most treasured memories.

Volunteer

Unless restricted by finance or health, most parents have done a plethora of volunteering within a school setting, but once you are free of that parameter, you can explore the possibility of so many other fascinating and inspiring ways to share your time. Many empty-nesters find huge fulfilment and meaning by helping the less fortunate or giving time to a worthy cause that you believe in.

Volunteering for various tasks at my church is fulfilling for me. Likely I should push myself past that comfort zone, simply for the joy of helping people I don’t know and expanding my world. As a brand new empty nester, several years ago, I sat on the board of a charitable organization, learned a lot, decided it was not a great fit for me, but was proud of myself for trying!

Caring for an aging parent, enjoying grandchildren, volunteering at church, and working part-time, and living on an acreage, keeps my life full. Other volunteer ideas I’ve had for myself are: reading to seniors in care homes, teaching adults to read, or rocking babies in the hospital. Mennonite Disaster Service https://mds.mennonite.net/who-we-are/ is another charity that I know would provide an awesome and fulfilling experience.

Maybe there is a charity out there for you to give of your time and talents. What would be on your list?

Travel

Doesn’t being an empty-nester make the possibility of travel so much greater? No babysitter, no extra expense or consideration of having children travelling with you. If finances kept you from travelling with kiddos, maybe now that it’s just two, or just you, it is feasible. Have you considered it? Maybe you’ve not even let yourself think of travel while you had so many balls in the air, but now you can consider it. Where would you go? Where will you go?

As I write this in June of 2021, travel is something we’ve all put on the back burner. For me this is no hardship because I am terrified to fly and my family is all within easy reach. I feel completely content without seeing the world. My idea of travel is a road trip that either brings me home the same day or maybe within a day or two. I have been to Mexico because I wanted to prove I could do it and I wanted to give that experience to my husband. I know that being homebodies is not the case for many people. My daughter has been to many countries in her young life. My daughter-in-law has “helped” my son see a good many places as well…he tends to be like his momma, a homebody.

Go to school

Maybe you have been parenting while you maintain your career, or maybe being a parent was your career. Either way, this is a time to consider what you might want to pursue in your mature years. What better time to know exactly what you would like to do before retirement?

Isn’t it fun to consider doing something like this for yourself?

I think it would be great to take a psychology class just to understand people better. Or something at a community college…like horticulture, to become a better gardener. Or maybe Toastmasters so that you can better lead a Bible study or a Sunday School class. Or maybe a course at a Bible college. I realize that these things have a price tag on them, and if that restricts you, consider online learning.

Formal online courses may be for you, or set up your own “course” and be your own teacher! Choose what you would like to learn, make full use of Google, YouTube, your local library and pick the brains of anyone you may know with the knowledge that you are seeking. Admittedly this would take some self-discipline, but very doable!

The love of learning and the availability of Google and YouTube have allowed me to deep-dive into whatever subject has my interest at the time. I so thoroughly enjoy watching video after video on many different subjects. I have learned how to better patch a little boy’s pants and how to prune my shrubs. I love to learn about history. And the list goes on and on. I know I am not alone in this love of learning.

Repair

Depending on the situation, this is something you may need to do before you can pursue any of the above suggestions. By “repair” I mean to direct you to that one (or multiple) thing that is dragging you down or causing heartache. As your empty nest creates a bit of extra time, your heart may tune in to what is missing or off-kilter in your life. Maybe you need to repair a strained relationship, mourn a loss, correct a bad habit, work on your self-image so that you can finish this race the way God wants you to. Likely your heart and mind have zeroed in on exactly what that looks like for you.

This imperfect and harsh world is difficult to navigate and impossible to get through without the need for repair. If this strikes a chord with you, please take some time and see it through. Pray. Ask for help from someone you trust, if need be. Maybe start a journal focused on this one thing so that you gain clarity. Maybe seek professional help. Of course, the resolution of some things is dependent on the hearts of other people.

Regardless of how eagerly you decide to pursue your “repair”, remember that God is at work in your life. He is waiting to help you through it or over it. But, always remember, He loves you just exactly where you are….His love does not waver or depend on your successes in life.

What Amazing Things Will Your Empty Nest Bring?

The empty nests out there are as varied as the number of birds that build actual nests and I cannot possibly speak to each situation, but I’d like you to know that so many wonderful things could be right around the corner. I pray that my thoughts and ideas will inspire you to move forward with purpose! Always remember along the way that you are God’s precious and unique creation and He has plans for you!

May God grant you wisdom, peace and joy. Love, BJ